SYFY Has the Stones to Drop Plymouth Rock on Cambridge

SYFY Has the Stones to Drop Plymouth Rock on Cambridge

"We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. The rock was landed on us."-Malcom X

  • Posted on: 24 November 2013
  • By: stannenb

After showering Los Angeles with sharks, the SYFY channel dropped Plymouth Rock on a Cambridge basketball court Saturday night with the debut of its original movie, "Stonados." Originally planned to air on April 27th, SYFY delayed its debut because it felt that destroying Boston with rocks from the sky a few days after the Marathon bombing was in poor taste.

The movie tells the story of, well, it doesn't really matter. There are weather anomalies, waterspouts, a single father Harvard scientist turned science teacher who can't get authorities to listen to him, his local weatherman/storm-chaser friend, a rebellious daughter, and a police officer sister whose jurisdiction encompasses most of the Boston area. Mixing stock footage of Boston and Cambridge with scenes apparently shot in Vancouver, British Columbia, we follow these characters reacting to the unfolding disaster after the opening scenes show Plymouth Rock plucked from the ground by a waterspout and dropped onto a Cambridge basketball court.

Tension mounts as the stones become supercooled something-or-others (it's all jargon filled word salad) and start exploding. After finding themselves in not-Harvard Square, our heroes must make their way through the exploding streets to South Boston where the University of Boston football team is inexplicably playing, despite tornadoes and the rain of rocks, in order to rescue the rebellious daughter and her brother. And, after that, they save Boston with a warhead that will heat the atmosphere ("like a mini global warming!") and dissipate the storms, but not before the Federal bureaucrat who failed to heed early warnings is satisfyingly killed by a rock just as she starts to apologize.

SYFY has a formula for its Saturday night original movies. It mashes up concepts (falling rocks! tornadoes!) and keeps production costs low. It's not worth spending much time fretting over inconsistencies of geography, police jurisdictions, logic, time and space. The movie hardly takes itself seriously, with the heroes expressing disbelief that they could get a warhead so easily and that it, conveniently comes with a timer. It is, however, indefensible that the Hancock Tower, a building that became known as the "plywood palace" during construction because its windows wouldn't stay put, escapes with nary a scratch. And you certainly say goodbye to your family before you set the 60-second warhead timer, not after it's started the countdown. Rather than nitpick, one should just enjoy the spectacle that brings Malcolm X's famous analysis - "We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, the rock was landed on us" - to the small screen. Happy Thanksgiving, Pilgrims!

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Did these guys also make Sharknado?