The Spiritual Life, A Column that appears in Whats Up Magazine by Jacques Fleury: The Haitian Firefly

Haitian Women in America: Mothers/Breadwinners/Survivors

Pull Quote: “My mother is a brave soul. I informed her that probably most conservative Christian Haitian women would not be willing to give me this interview. I told her that both Haitian men and women would most likely condemn her for exposing their business, but none of this fazed her. ‘They can all bite me,’ she laughed. ‘Let me be the one to yank the covers off their shame!’”

Marie-Evelyne Toussaint was born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. She has been in America since 1984 and she currently lives in Somerville, Massachusetts where she works as a professional health care worker.

Many Haitian Women in Haiti are terribly oppressed, both economically and psychologically. I know this first hand, having grown up with five women in Haiti and observed their often delicate task of living under the toes of oppression; the male bullies who limit them to being subservient and objectified.
Having evolved from the roots of oppression, most Haitian women are basking in their newfound freedom in America and are growing out of the limitations once set upon them by many of the men in Haiti. Here, they are branching out to succeed and become independent. Yet they still have to deal with their former oppressors, the Haitian men who refuse to see and accept them in their new roles as heads of their own families.
I interviewed Marie-Evelyne Toussaint, my mother, about her experiences with Haitian men in both countries, and this is what she had to say.
“In Haiti, men are the boss,” she said. “Women are more afraid of their husbands than they are of their own fathers. You have to obey them like a child or risk getting beat-up. When a man marries you, you become his property.” She went on to talk about the socioeconomic conditions in Haiti that set the stage for this oppressive ideology. “Corruption is the cause of most of this malediction! A woman can get an education and still not be able to find work unless she’s willing to compromise herself sexually. In Haiti, if you’re not from a middle class family, you often marry for financial security and not love. So most women find themselves living in misery and often seek love elsewhere by having extramarital affairs.” She claims that a typical male in Haiti does the same, though, usually with three women: a wife, a mistress and a girlfriend. And they all have to learn to get along simply out of necessity! So in order not to lose this economic support, the women learn to share the men they are involved with. “Tout moun ap vive,” she said, which translates, “Everyone gets a piece of the pie.”
My mother, however, did not want to focus on just the negative things about Haitian men. “The good things about Haitian men in Haiti is that if they come into a family, they not only provide for the woman they are involved with romantically, but the entire family! They are often very amorous, gallant, great dancers and funny! Boy can they tell a story!”
In America, however, the roles change. Most Haitian women work two to three jobs to support their families and are protected under the law from the threat of sexual harassment. “In America,” my mother said, “Haitian men can’t boss me around any more. I now have the power to provide for myself!”
She explained a popular phenomenon called “Tyouel” or “Kept Man” in English. When an educated Haitian male who is new to the U.S., referred to as a “Just Come,” has trouble finding professional work because of the language barrier, he will often find a working professional Haitian woman (who are often Nurse’s Aids or Nurses) and offer to be her “Tyouel” rather than work menial jobs. “What that means is that they are willing to rock your world sexually,” my mom explained. “They make love to you with a French accent! Haitian women love to listen to intellectuals speaking French, especially in bed! What woman doesn’t?” She went on to say, “In my life, I have yet to meet a better lover than a Haitian man!” I found myself cringing as I wrote down this scandalous bit of information from my own mother. “When they love you, they love you for good!” She went on, “For me the love of a Haitian man is unmatched! They are the best lovers in the world!”
So then I asked her, “How do you know? Have you slept with all the men in the world?” She responded, “No, but I can only imagine!” I then asked her another obvious question: “So how come you’re not with one right now?” She paused and then said, “Because all the good ones are married or taken. And I don’t want to support a ‘Tyouel’ right now. I don’t want to ‘take care’ of anybody except me.”
My mother is a brave soul. I informed her that probably most conservative Christian Haitian women would not be willing to give me this interview. I told her that both Haitian men and women would most likely condemn her for exposing their business, but none of this fazed her. “They can all bite me,” she laughed. “Let me be the one to yank the covers off their shame!”
This interview with my mom showed me that in America, some Haitian women no longer feel the need to be trapped in bad marriages in order to have some sense of identity and financial security. Through various conversations with my mother about her Haitian women friends, though, I have learned that some choose to live under the control of their husbands, due to their more traditional belief that the man should be the head of the house, while the woman should take on a more domestic role.
Speaking for myself as part of the younger generation, I graciously embrace the new paradigm of a two-income household and sharing the responsibilities of raising a family. I, as a young Haitian male, do not want to oppress anybody, and I suspect that there are many like me. Today in America, some Haitian women are finding their truest identities outside of oppression and are living fruitful lives that include, but are not limited to, being mothers, breadwinners and essentially survivors! The following poem sums it all up.

Mother from My Mother Land
Mam mam ki soti lan te mouen
An ode to my mom in Creole (from Sparks in the Dark: A Lighter Shade of Blue)

Mouen vle di jodia ke ou gain ou bote
I want to tell you today that you have a beauty
Ki pap joue, especialmen avek bagaille ki led
That don’t play, especially with things that are ugly
Ou se ou manman ki kanpe an ba rote gason qui
You are a mother that stands under the height of men that
Oppresse, rote gason ki blesse, rote gason ki tu ye,
Oppresses, the height of men that cuts, the height of men that kills
ou sou kon ou envlop ki porte nouvelle espiration
You are like an envelop that carries news of inspiration
Nou lil avek attention
We read it with attention
Nou lid avek animation
We read it with animation
Nou lil avek xeux revolution,
We read it with the eyes of revolution,
Nou toute pres pou moutre nous chemen
We are all ready to be shown the way to
Liberte, fraternite, chemen ki fe gason lib
Liberty, fraternity, the way that sets men free
Chemen ki fe nou pres poune kouri le route la
The way that makes us want to run when the road
Commece pren di fe!
Starts to catch fire!
Che men ki menen nou nan te ameriken!
The way that takes us to the land of America!
Copyright © 2007 by Jacques Fleury: The Haitian Firefly All Rights Reserved